Sharpie Twin

Damn, music sucks

Call me old fashioned, but isn’t music suppose to be uplifting, tell an interesting story, celebrate life or at least make you want to “shake what your Mama gave you?” The screaming, swearing crap I hear now when I turn on the radio is more like sound bites from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre than music. Seriously, wasn’t one of the reasons we couldn’t wait to grow up was so we wouldn’t have to listen to our parents scream at us anymore? Now kids pay twenty bucks for a CD just to listen to some guy whose scream is more shrill than most women I know, and who cusses like Al Pacino in Scarface. I miss the music of the 80′s, it was fun then, nothing more serious than Madonna whining that she was pregnant and she was keeping her baby. And if you go back further and take a look at fifties music, you’ll realize how far music has sunk morally. In his day, Ricky Nelson got grief for a song about falling asleep at his girlfriend’s house. Think of how ludicrous that sounds by today’s musical standards. No subject is taboo now, and four letter words and foul language are almost expected. Depressing, that’s what the music of today is I tell ya. After I’ve had a bad day with the kids, a fight with my husband, or the “you’re heading for 40 – when are you going to lose the rest of the baby weight?” talk with myself again, the last thing I want to hear coming out of the speakers of my car is some guy screaming how he hates all women because his left him for another guy. I want to hear songs of hope, songs of never ending love and passion, empowering songs. Strong women singing about standing up for themselves, men crooning about their one true love, even a song about going out dancing would do. But since I can’t imagine Nickelback doing a remake of Lionel Ritchie’s Dancing on the Ceiling, what does that leave? Celine Dion, Luther Vandross, Elton John and the oldies station? My mother would be so pleased.

If you haven’t taken the time to figure out what eighties music was all about, let me enlighten you; it was all about sex. Looking for sex, finding sex, having sex. Let me rephrase that, the music was all about “making love.” Back then, even the big haired bad boy rock bands all had at least one sappy ballad on their concert play list. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few society conscious, politically motivated songs on the top 40 thrown in for good measure, but for the most part people like George Michael, Tina Turner and even Michael Jackson were singing about sex. I know, the thought of Michael Jackson singing about “making love” in retrospect seems a little scary, but back in the eighties when he still looked like himself (and before all the lawsuits), it was fun (RIP Michael – you are missed!). The hard core angry rock and gangsta rap groups today make sex sound dirty, cheap and wrong. One night stands gone bad, everyone using each other for sex, someone sleeping with someone else’s partner, I mean come on, where’s the love? It’s not that these topics weren’t covered in eighties music, of course they were, but who could get past the funky techno beats, Boy George’s tacky makeup and Tina Turner’s amazing legs, long enough to realize what they were singing about?

I understand the whole “fight the establishment”, rage against the machine, freedom of speech thing, but what’s with the screaming and swearing in songs? I freely admit that I curse and shout when I’m angry, stub my toe or my four year old draws on the beige living room wall with a Sharpie, and it’s a pretty safe bet a few four letter gems escape my lips on the freeway if I’m stuck driving during rush hour. Why on earth however, would I want to listen to music that makes me feel like that? I’m looking for tunes that make me feel happy, not songs that evoke PMS like emotional swings. It seems songs with an upbeat theme are getting harder and harder to come by. I find myself switching to the easy listening stations more and more on the drive home from running errands. At my age, that’s kind of frightening. If all I’m left with to listen to in five years is old Motown and Barry Manilow, I’m going to have to resort to listening to country music. I figure any song that has an accompanying line dance must at least have some comical qualities.

To all you recording artists out there, let me just say this; save the swearing for the couch on Superbowl Sunday, that language makes you sound stupid. Records in the Seventies and Eighties didn’t need ratings or warning labels, and a lot of those artists managed to have careers that lasted a long time. Bon Jovi became mega stars without cussing, and still manage to sell a few cds two and a half decades later. Jon Bon Jovi’s looks and perfect hair may have had something to do with it, but I think being a class act helped too. I’ve lost my faith in the ability of today’s artists to produce music that makes me feel the way “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from the Wizard of Oz does. Every once in a while a tune will hit the top 40 that makes me smile, or want to dance, but it seems angry, dark screaming artists sell more cds. At least that’s the assumption you have to make by the amount of air play they get. I wish music was lighter and more cheerful, like it was thirty years ago. I miss the kitschy bands like Wham, Poison and Duran Duran. Although, come to think of it, Duran Duran hasn’t really gone away for long enough periods of time for me to really miss them and we should just start calling Brett Michaels “the Energizer Bunny with the bandana”. I say good for them, they have managed to build careers that have lasted a quarter of a century out of a few catchy tunes and a hell of a lot of eyeliner and hairspray.

That being said, I appreciate the talent it takes to write any kind of song at all, I really do. I hero worshiped Pat Benatar as a teen, and put pen to paper many a time trying to come up with the lyrics for the next VH1 hit. I think I still have a copy of one about love at the roller rink somewhere that I’m sure New Edition would have made a fortune off of. Why can’t today’s bands find subject matter that’s a little more upbeat than what they’re writing about now? Life isn’t all bad, the world isn’t all bad. And yes, there’s lots to swear about, but there’s lots to smile about too. I think for every angry song they put out, bands should have to put out a happy one. That’s a fair deal don’t you think; “No One Understands Me!” released with, “But I’m Having a Good Hair Day”. “My Woman Left Me!” released with, “But Her Twin Sister is Single.” Now, that makes me smile! And if Eminem ever decides to do a cover of Eddie Murphy’s “My Girl Wants to Party All the Time”, it’s a pretty safe bet that I’ll be the first one in line to buy the cd.

About the Author

Nikki Aksamit is a freelance writer from Chandler, Arizona.

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